did i do sumting

i did not sleep well last night .there is so many things that is on my mind . my health ,my studies , my relationship, my friends, my family and money ..... i am feeling very down and i just cant bring myself into opening up to anyone not because i am tryin to hold it in . i just cant find the right person to share my woes. i have learnt that when my other friends are in need or when they are distressed i will go all out to help the person in whatever way i can but never once did i get the same treatment. why several questions run in my mind and the pain in my back is not helping .

thankfully i remembered a friend that was always there when i needed to talk to someone . my dearest frend shella . i called her only once and i did not have to say much . she came right away to meet me. and she straight away knew that something was amiss . thank you GOD for providing me with her . met her and told her my problems and ppl guess wad i have been dianosed with DISPLACEMENT OF LUMBAR INTERVERTEBRAL DISC WITHOUT MYSLOPATHY .... A CAPITAL OUCH ......

felt very suicidal thinking that my life on earth was not worth if i was only depleting my parents money and costing my mother's tear .when she heard that i need an operation she cried . that was too much for me to bear . the pain was just felt like needles and pins in my heart. coming from a middle class family never helps . the op would cost my family abt 15 k that is not including the hospital stay, medicine or rehab sessions after that. it is so not worth it and the sucess rate the figures are a pain in my rectum AS IN BIG TIME PAIN . 40 % OF THE PPL WHO GO FOR THE OP IT IS UNSUCCESSFUL IN REMOVING THE

PAIN

and not forgetting the risk of paralysis which fears me the most and the words of my orthopaedic surgeon keeps ringing in my head " the situation will not get better it will only get worse " how comforting rite . i am so not going to be adicted to pain killers . it is so bad for me ......

{chee woon and julien wish you both a long and fruitful relationship and have fun to the max ...}

i wont die though . i am a fighter and i knoe it though trials bring me down and my pain weighs me down ,i shall not fall nor will i be forsaken . i will stand through it and even if i fall i will pick myself up . with supposedly good friends around me and my DEAREST FATHER IN HEAVEN WHO TAKES CARE OF THIS WORD .

I WILL BE ALRITE . I WILL FIGHT . I WILL GO FORTH AND BE VICTORIEST.

I HOPE........ THANKS FOR BEING THERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST . YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE