wadever love me hate me

i have the sudden urge to blog now ...

why do friends turn on friends ?
why are there enemies ?
why cant we all be friends ?
why must everything be either black or white ?
why ? why ? why ?

the questions that are just running in my mind . i think i have lost the only girl i truly loved in my life or was is all but a mid summer night dream . i have dreamed of the life we could have led together if only you choose me . i want ya so bad but i know that will never be the case

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i think i trust people to easily and i pour out my feeling to always the wrong ppl . i am a very happy person yet i am temperimental at the same time. my mood swings worse than a gal during her red alert .... i am who i am . i give no soul under the sun the rite to change the way i feel about myself and most of all askin me to change my character or my life style . accept me the way i am or just fuck the hell off . i dont need a person who doesnt accept me or my lifestyle . i am not going to change the way i am just becos i am not to your preference . love me hate me for all i care - i love myself more than anything next to GOD and family....

i have heard some people say that friends last forever but isit really the case. i knoe its selfish of me to say that i don like my frens having relationships but at times that i how i really feel . i have been treated like a freakin junk yard. first when ya do not have a bf you come along tryin to be my fren and all - ( and this is the part i hate when i have fren i tend to give my ALL but i have to realise that i shouldnt if i do , all i get is hurt and more hurt this is ultimately bad for me ) and as soon as ya get a bf you just disappear and your once best fren is just a feather in gale . the worse of all is that when you have a problem with your bf / gf you come crying back to me .askin for comfort and i forget all the hurt you have caused me and open my arms to invite ya with a warm hug and comforting smile and most of all frenship.........

is this wad they meant that frenship last forever . only go to your frens when ya lonely and down so they will make ya feel better and as soon as you are nursed up ,all you do is leave .... i have yet to find the meaning of true frenship then

yes i have some very good frens like hidayah who i can trust with everything in this world and nikki who is always there when i need a person to talk to ....and mama and many more ....

but wad is true frenship .where is my one true fren who will be there still the day i die..


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i made many new frens recently

eilliot ( jap look alike boy )
roy ( eilliots gay partner )
emily , arron ,justin , song ( ppl that i got to know better )
audrey and andrew ( the lovey dovey pair )
zouyi ( my china chinese classmate )

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when out today with audrey arron justin eilliot to marina south to have steam boat didnt eat much though ,,,, just not in the mood .loved the ice cream though then when down to city hall to starbucks for frappe s . mummy emily joined us she is super farny .thanks for coming . i think i am over spending .... i am just not the person i used to be .... i hate it . i am getting to emo over certain things and i am just so not me ....

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BLOOD AND JADE

the two loves in my life .....
i want ya no no no i need ya

loveless

neveragain will i fall in love cos it too painful to see her go

inspiration

i read this and it has been an inspiration to me... i can really relate to him ... i have seen wad determination is and i will not flater nor will i fear .... i know he is with me and will protect me ....

read this ppl

Hello,
My Name is Steve Vaught, (born Stephen James Liller in Youngstown, Ohio). I am a 39 year old, happily married father of two great kids and I have a pretty good life here in Southern California. You would think that I would be happy because of these things, but I am not. I am not happy because I am fat and being fat makes every day unhappy.
I did not make this website to complain about it however, instead I am doing something about it and this site was made to chronicle my story.
I am going to walk across the United states from San Diego to NYC to lose weight and regain my life!
The rest of the story is that I have not always been fat. I have been many things in my life from a lanky teenager to a muscular Marine and now I am fat. This latest incarnation is without a doubt the worst.
Being fat is physically and emotionally painful. It diminishes the quality of the good things in life and it will ultimately bring about an early demise. So being overweight darkens every good thing that you achieve in your life and even prevents some things from happening at all.
For the last 15 years I have been slowly gaining weight and it seems that whatever I do, it just spirals ever upward.
Socially being fat is hard to deal with because I feel that am looked down upon by people even when they are not doing so maliciously. It may be human nature. You know, "survival of the fittest". Also, I feel as though I am being taken advantage of by companies and people that want fat people to buy their latest "miracle pill" or prepackaged food that will help me lose the weight.
We, as a society, are growing larger and have become a big market for high dollar fast fixes. We are not getting the fix because it is an illusion. Don't get me wrong, if I were given the option I would trade just about anything to be trim and fit again. I have the same excuses, desires and dreams as many others in my position. I know though, that there is no other option but physical exertion to truly get back into shape.
So, after consulting the family and getting their blessing I have made the decision to stop this merry go round and dedicate myself to losing the extra weight. I have an addiction and there needs to be dedication and sacrifice to cure addictions. If I had a drug or alcohol addiction I would go to rehab. Well, what I have in mind is rehab for the fat guy.
I am going to take six months out of my life and walk across the United States from San Diego to NYC.
My main purpose in undertaking this journey is losing weight. More importantly though, I need to change the behaviors that have allowed me to be in this situation in the first place. I know that to permanently lose this weight I must learn to be more responsible to myself.
Nuts you say? Well, maybe.
But how nutty is spending a fortune on miracle weight loss drugs or fad diets that never seem to have lasting results or dangerous surgeries that cost about the same as a luxury car?
Living your life without health insurance because you are considered too high risk.
What about the fact that only 3% of weight loss attempts are permanently successful?
What about the anxiety, depression and pain involved in everyday activities when you are fat?
I don’t want to miss out on birthdays, graduation, marriages and grandkids because I chose not to take my life back.
That, to me, is nuts.
I am going to sacrifice some time out of my regular life to gain 30- 40 years of a better, leaner, healthier and happier life.
So considering all of that, I would be nuts not to do this.
Losing the weight will be the easy part. I plan to keep the weight off in the future by maintaining a proper diet and level of activity needed, as well as remembering how easy it is to gain weight and difficult to lose it.
I hope my story and actions serve to encourage others to take their lives back - to get up and do something about it today.
We have become conditioned to believe that there is an answer in a pill or cream or drink or machine that will fix it for us. We lost sight of the fact that we are the most incredible machine ever built, capable of great heroism, ingenuity and strength.
The human race has achieved great feats solely on the efforts of the individual. Building pyramids, settling frontiers and walking on the moon are a few examples.
I hope to remind people like me, that we each have the strength and ability to do anything we want. Losing weight is a choice the same as continuing to exist in this terrible condition is a choice. I have decided to live! It really is a simple decision when you think about it.
If you want to keep up with the journey and my progress please come back often to check out the journal page. With details from the road both good and bad, I will talk about the walk, people I have met, my physical condition, and a weekly weigh in when possible.
This effort is not going to be without sacrifice, my family and I know and accept that. I will probably see my wife and kids only once or twice during this time. I am not in the best condition financially to go six months without income and have resigned myself to the fact that I will lose my car and property. Those things however, pale in significance when reckoned with the consequences of doing nothing.
I can get another car or another property but not another life. That which is most precious is the one thing that cannot be bought for any price...life.
So on April 10th, I started walking from Oceanside, CA headed out on the journey of and for my life.

if he can do it ... so can I .

i will not let pain or words bring me down cos i am DANIEL and nobody will bring me DOWN

pissed

cool down daniel for ye are pissed let it just flow right through you

ideas was fun we are really gonna creat something witty and great ...lol
more update on that on the following weeks my fellow grp members are

I ACTUALLY TYPED SOME UNDESIRABLE STUFF ...

BUT I HAVE REMOVED it

some ppl just have that effect on you

fun day

hiya peeps i really had another enjoyable day yesterday . i actually cut class yesterday ... me cut class i never thought i would dare do it . but i did and boy was it worth it... met david in the dover mrt when when down to town to meet audrey we got down at orchard . our initial plan was to watch a movie we then actually decided to watch sentinal but just as the movie was about to start david when to buy makan and it was too late to watch the movie . so that was the first flop of the day but we continued to talk and crap around a while before heading down to 2 other guess outlets to find the bag i was looking for ... but lady luck was not shining me the bag i wanted was discontinued ...sobs that totally sad . so well talked alot and talked alot in town ... at abt 5 david when to meet his fren we tagged along for a while but me and audrey dear did not fit in too well with then ...

soon after we walked down to cine where i and audrey wanted to watch a movie but yet again there was nothing nice to watch and it toally sucked we slacked around at the red lounge before heading down to TCC . the place is classy and the drinks first class i have a mango tea frappe and she had a peach tango i thing we chatted and laughed like crazy ppl . i called justin and they told me that they were going to cityhall . so i headed there with audrey we wanted to take an mrt but we took a bus instead which was totally cool ... we got down a bustop earlier but i think i was all for a reason . if we didnt we wouldnt have passed by the arts museum which entry is free by the way ( fridays 6 - 9 pm ) isnt that cool . so we when in and just looked around . the paint work there is excellent .. singaporean artist are good too . they are just not credited enuf ... we took a walk up the 2nd floor and we when to view more art . we first passed a hall where they were teaching lindy hop for beginners which was totally cool we first did not put much taught into it but soon after it was just fantastic we actually when for it .it was darn cheap 3 dollars for a two our class. we did the shimmy the lean the broad walk all which was just excellent . and we made new frens which was so cool . phil and his gal fren and sunil and his fren . we all then walked down to raffels city where we ate at cafe cartel ... we were talking and all when i found out that he is actually a trainer for kids and also a salsa dancer ... totally hot ppl ...

after dinner we wanted to watch a movie at gv marina but there was nothing nice on so we walked more and we headed down to the nearest bust stop taking a bus down to cathey picturehouse the place is totally COOL . it is so new and the place just looks great darn classy . lovely place we watched kinky boots there . maybe thats the reason why we were prevented from watching movies trice that day ... it all happens for a reason ,.... i just love my life ... after the movie which was great by the way we headed down to a kopitiam ... where we crapped abit more before going home .....


i found out that everything happens for a reason if we didnt get down from the bus stop a stop earlier we would have not gone to the museum and i would not have met phil .. and we would not have watch a movie and become fren ... seriously everything happens for a reason just love the idea of that ... looking back and looking at the series of events it is really amazing wad God plans for us

labour day

the whole morning i had to do my stupid ideas project .in plastersine which just stinks ...eee i taught my modelling days were over but boy didnt it come back and bit me real hard on the ass ... hate it arrr luckliy i got my daddy to help me . my mum was commenting that even on labour day i did not leave my father alone ... it is high time he laboured for me ... evil laughter *

in the evening met up with huimin ( self clamied cutie ) which introduced me to her best fren audrey ( anti veg ) who now is my beer kakhi, and david ( no dick ) and andy .and no he does not look anything like andy lau ( twig dick ) not even 40 % lol... we first when to wala wala cos andy said there was a good band there but we were not allowed . so only i and andy had a fatty pint there . and proceeded to indochine siam reap . rahim was working so was uncle. we had a blast there taking pics and talking lots of shit...lol enjoyed their company .

i never really thanked my godmum for actually teaching me how to entertain ppl and how to enjoy a night out . i really think she had trained us all well anyone who go out with her will agree....

today andy drove us from sp to the cheese prata shop near pasir panjang.. for prata wad a waste that audrey wasnt there to join us ... but i am sure there will be another time ...


i am totally in love with the song zombies by the cranberries . just makes me feel all dark and evil....lol

the babe in purple is audrey
the other babe in red is huimin
the dude is black is twig dick sry i mean andy
and the guy who came with a red t shirt is david