falling apart

what would you do when it all falls apart ?

yesterday was the worse and best day of my life...

aint gonna talk abt the worse part of it but heck the good part of it is amazing.

when for dinner at manhill and had my fill of liver - i am so addicted to liver and i have developed a craving for turtle soup .i want it hot and i want it now... all the bitches in the house go crazy. had dinner with kenneth hv and hh dinner was followed by a nice stroll at labradore park - i am finally in tune with nature


i love the beach , i love graden and i wanna be immersed in it ...

as random as always and i sure you wont have believed what i did ...

i called jajaju up and we ended up prawn fishing it was freaking fuckfantastic i am so doing it again - suja did all the catching and yes it was so much fun

pics are up on facebook if anyone wanna see our catch...

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night ended with S11 carrot cake.

i wanna pass out at 3 wake up at 10 and do it all over again

asher roth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRVFfgoIKcg


new fav old song : ray of light by madonna


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8waV2G2lZs

obliteration

wad can i say nothing much blog worthy has happened recently except for my room makeover.

YES PEOPLE I HAVE FINALLY THROWN AWAY MY DESK

i am going for a more zen look in my room

minimum clutter with clean straight lines - while watching the Oprah show i realised that all this junk which i am holding on to is holding me back...everything that i have not used in 3 months or more has to go - i have realized that i can live without alot of things. its high time i let go of so many things

only when the old goes it makes place for the new - i am glad, i am happy

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things i need to buy

white paint
2 seater couch
32inch Sony bravia
new curtains

i plan to pain a new mural in my room - inspiration come to me...

Le Amore

love

–noun

1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.sexual passion or desire.

4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

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as usual i was again rudely woken up by our dear ms tan hweihwei , anyway it was time to wake ok nevermind i starting to ramble....

got ready and left my house met her at chinese graden and made our way down to city hall to meet gim heng the organiser for today's outing . as usual people were late and as soon as they arrived we when to jasons market to get our picnic supplies

kinda bueno
water
and some buns from some bakery there

we took a cab down to botanic gardens - boy it has been a long time since i picniced there...
was purely amazing the greenery and just smelling the air perked me up - i was kinda worried cos we would have to be sitting on the floor and all but THANK GOD my back did not flare up ...
just sitting there and watching the world go by and so different from what i use to .

thank you gimheng it was excately wad i needed and i loved it...

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after hanging there we got hungry and made our way down to holland v and had dinner at swensens

interesting conversations aside it was fun loved it

when home abt 10ish

FINAL TRAMADOL COUNT 6

reflections

when we look into a mirror do we have a choice to see what we want to see and more importantly is there a necessity to accept what we see -

REFLECTIONS
–noun

1.the act of reflecting or the state of being reflected.
2.an image; representation; counterpart.
3.a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration.
4.a thought occurring in consideration or meditation.
5.an unfavorable remark or observation.
6.the casting of some imputation or reproach.

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i am gonna share with ya a recipe

homestyle breadpudding its extremely easy to make and i have done it several times both at home and at a class chalet is i am not wrong

things that you need

1 loaf of bread or 1 large french loaf
3/4 pack kara coconut milk
sugar to one's liking
1 cup of water
1 egg
1 tsp of all spice
cashew nuts ( lightly roasted )
rasins
salt
butter 100g

mash and mix into a clumpy mixture ( not too fine )

put mixture into round mole

there are 2 ways of cooking this

you could either steam it for 20 mins

or bake it for 30 min in a convection oven at 180 degrees

walah you are done...

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church was good i think i might have found out the answers for my questions

FINALLY...

Expeditions

I wanted to wake up and send Kenneth and huivern a Bon voyage sms ... but i could wake up so anyway i think i did tell them to have a good trip . regardless i think they will have a good time... just hope not too good a time ...

anyway i stayed at home the whole day and as usual i was doped . the side effects are finally taking a toll on my body . i feel freaking pregnant and nauseous and the worse thing is the gastric darn that really sucks...

anyway this is my last entry talking about the pain i am facing - it is starting to play too big a part of my life and i have to irradiate it...

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any who i have two parties to attend on the 26th and because of that i cant go to mama's house darn wad a waste... doubt i will have a chance to go there anytime soon...

i miss my old life style of attending infamous parties and chilling out at amazing places darn wad ever happened to that old care free me. the come back is near and i can feel it ...

there are so many places in Singapore which i have yet to explore - several restaurants to eat at several bars to get drunk in ...

DANIEL YOU WILL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ( NEW MANTRA )

with or without you

today i was woken up by ms tan hwei hwei who told me to get ready in 15 mins - can ya imagine that... darn that woman.. any way dropped kenneth a msg and asked him to join us... she took half day by the way ... that gal deserved it . she swinged by to pick him up before meeting me...
as usual we had no clue where to go and suddenly we found ourself at science park...

where we had a switch of drivers as usual our resident princess prefers to be chauffeured than drive so ken took over the wheel and we ended at the Korean bbq restaurant and had the lunch special ... as usual i had the stone pot , he had the mackerel and she had the spicy chicken soup we chilled out there till they sort of chased us out and since we all were still in the mood to hang out we when down to haato somewhere near mount sinai... pretty place had drinks and waffles there...

i know more or less we do sound like gluttons by who gives a rats ass about it... we sent Kenneth back home so he could pack for his trip and we made our way down to IMM it feels like a long time since we spent time together... we shopped and guess wad she actually bought something ... which is a big deal if you know her. we when down to esprit and some random shoe shop.... retail therapy that wad i am talking about. it really perks a person up and you feel so good after .

TOTALLY ORGASMIC I HEART SHOPPING ....

we ended our day with desert at Kopitiam

i heart hanging out with peeps...

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randomisation

yesterday i was teaching a primary one maths class at xin nan primary school and i while checking the pupils work i came across something totally ridiculous

5 x 3 = 14

i had no idea how he got this answer - and i kept asking him how he got that answer and he repeatedly told me the same thing ...

i was so furious at him and just wanted to burst out at him when i looked at his name

guess what it was KENNETH TAN

I SO bursted OUT LAUGHING ...LOL

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22ND OCT I HAVE CHALLENGED MYSELF..
AIN'T TELL YA WAD TILL I WIN IN IT...

sweet surrender

yesterday was a really bad bad day for me...

the pain got so bad i just cried and locked myself in my room which freaked my mother out big time. as usual she when ballistic and called my father and my aunt... talk abt express service he came back home and helped me up and brought me the the hospital

wad ever happens peeps never i repeat ever go to NUH if you are in extreme pain . unless you have a death wish then please go ahead. i had to wait almost a fucking hour in the cold without anyform of treatment before i could see a doctor and worse i could not even take my own meds cos they said i should not....

after an hour of waiting ...i finally got to see a doctor who then prescribed 3 injections for me

1) tramodol
2) VOLTRON
3) licnocain

at 196 bucks a pod ....

i was jabed 3 times and they told me it would only last for about 6 fucking hours wad the fuck was i suppose to do after . i was walking like a duck who was just shot in its ass... after a while they sent me back home and worse i was still in pain ....

i have learnt something from this experience if you are not rich enuf to afford private healthcare you are dead - pain relief is only for those who can afford it ... and the meds that an emergency clinic is mediocre and wad ever they have for pain relief i have tried and it did not work for me....
i was this close from shouting ouut loud saying " take out the big guns now " fuck .....

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i am blessed with good frens i really am - thanks ken for showing concern and bringing me out last night .... it really means alot to me.... i am gonna write you a huge ass thank you card really soon ....

i woke up today and i know today aint gonna be as bad as yesterday....

all i am doing is praying for a better day ..........


constantly losing faith
.: daniel :.

farked

IT WAS WRONG FOR ME TO BLAME GOD FOR MY PAIN

today was a bad day for me , i knew it when i had a problem getting off my bed today. is this a punishment for wad i typed yesterday. sometimes i wish that we could touch someone and let them feel wad i am feeling. i hurt so so so much...

i cant sit down or walk or sleep without without feeling the pain ....

i have been dopeing myself with so much painkillers since i was 12 and now nothing is working anymore....

and worse of all i walk like a duck with something up its ass

fuck the world fuck painkillers....

fuck you james hui

cease my soul

angst

i am i so filled with rage , why do i feel this way - i have a feeling that i am going to lose a fren becos of our differences. i know i am different , my views on morality , sexuality , Christianity all vary from what you ( the norm ) believe. i have a feeling a fight is inevitable i am one message away from a total blow up. shit i have no idea why i am allowing to get to me.

this is not who i am , yet i am so comfortable in that skin . yes i know its wrong and know the right thing to do i change and yet i see no need to. i am not attacking what ever he says , i think i lose several people in the quest of knowledge. was it wrong for me to ask such questions , am i allowed to speak up and share my opinions ? or am i suppose to suppress them and take the back seat like i always have

i know it sounds all girly and all but i really wish this friendship last.

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if you are reading this and i think you will - it just feels that i don't fit in there or anywhere anymore

i know that you will be all that you said you will be and so much more , be strong , be brave , be all that you can be

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i know when i am being used though i smile and talk to you - and yet i still enjoy the feeling of being trampled upon... aiya it aint even worth it talking to you any more ( only required when you need my help for your gain ) ....

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GOD on high hear my prayer
hear my prayer
in my need
you have always been there

dont turn your back on me now
ok great father of all nations
you have granted me peace and
and taken it all way at the same time

all hope is destroyed for me
i use to say count your blessings
name them one by one and yet
now i feel that i have non yet in mylife

all good things are around us are sent
for you above - and all pain and sufferings
are cause of sin. why do i have a problem
believing that anymore...

though art the GOD that giveth and taketh
away - take my unbearable pain away dear
lord i have tried almost everything
submitted all to you and yet i have no relief

i have no idea where my faith is turning to
more towards you are further away from you
, the more closer i wanna get closer to you
my pain and Karna desires tear me away from you

help me oh great healer
help me oh great healer
or take me up to oblivion
i have no more desire for
life anymore

to all an illusion

blogging bug is back

when for dinner with the ccf peeps - somehow why do i feel that i dont fit in with them at all. chong ching hot pot at suntec aint as nice as the one at tanglin but who gives a darn. i just stick out like a soar thumb when i am with them, i dont knoe why. maybe its the vast difference in age or our different views abt the christian faith . why do i even bother wanting to fit in with ppl who think being gay in an abomination and that the female gender should be suppressed becos the bible tell you so and the preaching of male superiority is prevalent...

i have so many issues abt the christian faith nowdays - its not that i am all out for blood its just that i do not agree to several things that are preached and its really hard for me to get my answers . the pursuit for religious knowledge is an endless journey....

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just a couple of days ago we has our penang holiday echo at kennneths place...

i like hanging out at his place its a total bachelor pad i wish i had one - but mine would be a little bit different first of all my walls would be pastal with beautiful louis IV furniture and AIRCONDITIONING with a coffee table.... ok i know it might be a little too much hey but its my dream oki...

i am not spoilt just well taken care of.....

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gh came to stay over at my place... yesterday... and we had a really good time discussing the decay of morality in todays world with hh

anyway 2 birthday parties today ... shit i missed the sleep over at saraj's house i so wanted to go ...darned fuck la i need to get my priorities straight...

perturbation

friends

something my mother said struck a cord in me she said " you dont need so many frens few good ones are more than enough "

how very true

the good lord has blessed me with several good frens whom i treasure alot. it is not everyday you get to make good frens...and they dont come by easily either...

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last sunday was divya's wedding and boy were we busy . as usually my cousins and i had to do the headless chicken routine. it wasnt fun at all

pics will be up soon

i love weddings and planning them make them all the more interesting ... i just might have a future in wedding planning or at least party planning...

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momo is now in cambridge and karunan is off to the london school of economics... uber cruel twist of fate on my end ... i am really gonna miss my momo afterall we were childhood pals and certain frenship last forever ryte...

i had a really enjoyable time hanging out with hid rashid mel and we soon we are gonna be meeting up for mels bdae...

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i have tried several time to quit _________
but everytime i wanna go away from it , there is this force pulling me back into its traps . i know its wrong and i know it is gonna affect me physically and emotionally . i feel like a fucking sado masochist . i have promised her i would stop alll of this is 2 years but something tells me this is only going to intensify darn i hate this feeling ....

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do i have to cut myself to feel alive...

Requiem generous

have ya ever wondered why the most beatiful things about person are only said after person dies... why is that the case why not appreciate the living and tell them how you feel . shit happens you know

( that was an extract of a conversation i had with one of my frens )

i so totally agree with this statement ... there is no higher honour than the word thank you as thank you is wad we tell God - Dr maya angelou

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i have several things to be grateful for -

1) sucessfully graduating from singapore poly

2) earning my own money and going on a holiday

3) loving parents

4) Arcoxia


i have been teaching in xinan primary school lately .and i love it. teaching is so much fun and its more fun to teach lower primary than upper primary... and i taught the 9 times table to a pri 2 class they were amazed when they found out that all the answers laid in their very fingers.

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couple of notatble things i did so far

working as a ice cream promotor for walls signiture series ice cream

to tell ya the truth i loved that job - yeah its unconventional but i have leant alot more in that 6 week stint than i ever learnt on a desk. dealing with customers understanding their psyche , picking up buying signals and finally closing the deal - there is alot more than eye can see - hey wad heck i even got myself the statment of attainment for the singapore institue of retail studies...

going to penang

wouldnt considered an impluse decision ... cos the tickets were book like 2 mths before we when there - five of us when on the trip

kennenth - hmm wad can i say abt kenny , its surprising that we cliqued after the church camp all thanks to common interest i think . even though i dont tell this to him and( i dare type it here cos i doubt he would ever read this is )he is a really smart person and i seldom say that. he is really a guys guy in primal way.but the thing is we have really very different opinions on several topics which include the acceptance of homosexuals in society - GOD - The bible - pastor issac's last weeks message in church that kinda stuff.... and somehow he always have a ready explaination or answer aand the thing i like abt him is that he does not give the standard the bible/pastor tells you so and just suck it up and listen ... in an odd sense/way he sort of made me wanna come to church . i better stop on that or this entry will never end
back to the penang part - his daddy has a condo there at gurny uber close to the beach and shopping centre spot on in the prime area more imptly a stone throw away from the bars and cafes he graciously opened his place and we saved tonnes on hotel money... ya and one thing he is a happening/quirky drunk person

sharen sim - kenneths cousin only met her twice and the thrid time we were on a plane to holiday ,when i first met her she felt a tad snobbish for my taste little did i realise that she was a really fun person to hang out who was really outspoken ,wad can i say she is a lawyer afterall.she too is a quirk drunk person who riverts to a british accent when she drinks which was so so so cute.... lol to max

huivern - a fren i met in church only found out of her existance after ccf. a nice sweet gal to makes food improvers/stablizers/defomers for a living .... ya kinda weird but ya she is into food RND

and finally my best buddy

tan hweihwei- i never tell this enuf to her at least that she means alot to me and how she looked after me when i got out after my op is something i will never forget in my life and hanging out with ya is alway always fun and i am sure you know this i only scream at ya becos i love ya ALOT . you are truly an amazing fren and yes when i see you , you brighten up my day

ya this was a little something abt the ppl i travelled with

we arrived on friday and departed on monday we had loads of gastronomical delights and a little too much booze on sat and yes tau sa piah...the picks are up on facebook...

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deadsea scroll exibit

wAd A TOTAL RIP OFF THAT ALL I CAN SAY

BOY ITS FEELS GOOD TO BLOG AGAIN AFTER TOO LONG A HAITUS