term two

i ya wanna knoe why i did not update my blog . it was not becos i was lazy or did not have the time but painly because i just had nothing worthy writing about. and the more i think about it the more i am dying inside. bit by bit i am fading inside at times the pain is juz too much to bear. the pain in my head in juz to intense that i feel like cracking it open and taking the pain out and juz burning it over an open fire.the pain radiates from my head and it is all over my body

i have been doing things that i do not actually want to do .i don wan anybody to know my short comings and i don knoe what is happening inside me PHYSICALLY. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND THOUGH i don show it out i am so suffering inside. i am so ashamed of myself when i think about the life i could have and what is actually happeing to me now.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could
-beAnd if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakawayOut of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change

And breakaway............

i juz so wanna breakaway and fly away far far away
if i could go... ONLY If i COULD GO

when to watch a couple of movies and the eye 10 was the worst i thought that it would be scary but it was funny so cliche.... not worth my $8.50 .... tomorrow is good friday i hope tomorrow would be a day of solume and sobre for me . take away my pain and give me rest or dear Lord

march holidays

felt like blogging and juz wanted to past time and had been sometime since i blogged

sunday follwed chee woon to meet ping long for a game of basketball . no i did not play jusy watched them played . everything was settled and i think both of them are friends now . the day before that when to town with jenna chee woon and richmond had lots of fun there . had dinner at marche the fish was quite nice and the rosti was not as nice at it was the last time i ate it. after dinner proceeded to ghim moh to see jenna's parents shop quite nice . her mum packed some buns for us .then when to holland village and met mama there had lots of beer after a very long time and it was bad i puked lots of it out ouch painful .but it was worth it . i felt truly happy after a long time.....

monday was fun too when to msia with chee woon . be bought a nice pair of shoes while i bought a stussy side pouch and then had lunch a the sundanese resturant. the food was great had so much fun there we returned back to singapore in less then 5 hrs that was sad never did i send so less time there

yesterday when to the careear seminar abt mcys nvm lets not alk abt that at night when for dinners at billy bombers with michell chin and darren and chee woon had tenderloin tasted okie... after dinner when to zone X and played there 4 a while

juz finshed my tution and i am off to meet my frenz later today... so chao

day five of anorexia

tried to eat today during lunch while waiting for chee woon to finish his his remedial was sitting down with the ever so horrible jenna. i bought hor fan it was ok when i was eating even though there was some discomfort i continued to eat. after i ate it attacked me and i juz had to run to the toilet to puke and it hurts ever so bad

when to watch the movie boogeyman with chee woon and jenna . the movie was ok but it scared the shit out of me . i was like jumpin of my seat each time i heard a song effect of the pic of the monster... it was rather bad at certain parts .... i almost jumped and squashed chee woon. i really don like the sound effect it tends to make you jump more than the movie itself

jenna that scardy cat not to shock herself to much she decided to juz sleep during the movie ..... walked in jp for a while and yes we did have fun ... not bad bought one of thoses bands that everyone seem to be wearing nodays . i got a black one ... when to sport link and i think i am going to buy that diadora jacket and a pouch ..... and maybe the vertical waterbottle

had tution today and after that when to jurong point and met my dear cousin and after that back home and wanted to eat but as soon as i put a bite into my mought i vomitted ... ouch ... if this continues i think i am gonna seek solace in ___________

the next whole week is gonna be packed and tomorrow i am going to the gym and for a swim

day four of anorexia

i am still hanging on but know i am starting to get worried.... i thought about stopping my fast/diet today but i could not....

when to jurong point after school to have wad suppose to be lunch. when to pizza and ordered the lunch special . i was there with chee woon . he had the seafood pasta while i ordered the the curry gazzel baked rice set ... it came with soup and a pepsi.. i do not drink gasydrinks so i passed it to chee woon .... and then started to drink the soup but i could not swallow it it felt like sand in my throat and my whole gullet hurts ... even though i forced myself to drink the soup and then suddenly had the urge to throw out so i ran to the toilet and threw everything out ....ouch my whole body hurts but this is a fact i wanna eat but now i cant .... at times i am thinking is this good or bad .don anyone get me wrong i am not trying to kill myself all i am trying to do is lose weight juz LOSE WEIGHT..... AND GOOD NEWS I HAVE LOST 10 KG ALREADY .... if i keep this up i will sure reach my idea weight in no time

when to the library and borrowed a book on burial and no i have no intentions of dying juz checking out wad some ecntrics did after their deaths .quite interesting acutally . and and one thing met botak also .

we when to "toys r us" and there mama was with pam they were walking i was so happy to see her after so long she looks so great .and she enquired bout me and told me to take life easy and one step at a time . pam if you are reading this your pimple is very very very __________ .lol

when to kopi thiam and there saw tien le met him after so long and asked him a question how long a persong can last without eating he said 10 days before the acid in the stomach burns hole in the stomach ... at least there is six more days rite ... wad am i doing dieting or killing myself i do not knoe. but wad ever it is it is working, i have never been happier to lose weight

if this continue and if when i eat i vomint i will go and see a doctor ... and do not worry anybody or ask me anything . i would not die so fast . i knoe God has blessed me with a long life and a great future.and i know my limit i will stop this when i cant take it anymore ok and i wont push myself okie......

denise i am really soory i tried to eat but my body does not wanna co operate with me i am sorry reall i am ....

day three of anorexia

i am still hanging on the liquid diet only is working very well ...... but the only draw back is that i am starting to have very painful cramps only ... but i think it is still worth it and i really think i can hang on one more day the pain i feel is still bearable .... i hope ther is no permanant damage to my digestive system ... but wad the hack if it is spoilt maybe it would be a good thing ... i juz maybe able to lose weight faster...... my stomach is making noises but i am juz ignoring it i need to last hopefully till friday ... God please give me the strenght to run 2.4 km tomorrow and maybe a little faster this time ... at least i don want to fail with such a bad timing so let this be my prayer okie

when back home form school to take a cd for choir and when for practise . it when well only anisah was not there wad a waste she would have been so happy to hear them sing .... but i did not stay there long . when to watch lemony snickets : a series of unfortunate events for the second time with jenna ... the movie is really not bad i would give it a 7 upon 10 . after the movie when to popular to buy glue and then when to sports link to show jenna the jacket i was going to buy .... arrrr that stupid jenna instead of sopping with me she herself bought a boozer jacket arrrrr i juz "hate" you......... then followed her to sasa to see the adidas purfume guess wad it is on 15 ++ ....

on my way home my mum called and told me to meet her at jurong point ... when to monsoon to get my hair cut be a bald guy arrrrr...... it is so short i am ashamed to look in the mirror now ...... i don wanna go to school.... i am so shy ... tomorrow is gonna be a long day tomorrow and i have a phsics ca tomorrow and at night i have tution


.:-{ D@n!eL }-:. out

day two of anorexia

it has been two grueling days but i am still hanging on .... i have not eaten any thing solid or semi-solid for that matter ... i have only drunk water and so far it has been working my stomach only acted up once.... and it was not too bad the pain was bearable and soon left me ....... like once chee woon has told me indulge yourself in happy thoughts and do not bother about the current situation that i cant handle ........... did that and it worked wonderfully .... i never thought that i would have this much control over food and it feels great.

i did not knoe that i could save so much money by not eating and there is so much more money in my hand to spare i am planning to buy a pouch for my run and i think it is quite worth it cost only about $18 and does not look that bad ... and maybe a jacket also from sportlink at 39.90 looks kind of cool as i do not have a jacket

meet denise at kfc and some of her frenz and leslie .. while they ate i watched them but i did not feel tempted at all as i do not eat chicken so it did not work on me .... soory denise i promised you that i would eat on wed but i dont think i can do that .... i think i can hold on for another 2 days so i will only start eating on friday . i am really sorry but i knoe my limit if i cant take it i will forgo this plan okie . i am really sorry and thank you for wanting to give me your collar pin and even though it does not mean anything to you . it says alot about you when you wanted to give me your badge. your deed is well appreciated but i cant accept your hard work ( even though you dont think so ) but thanks from the bottom of my heart .THANK YOU DENISE

had science tution at my place with chee woon and bazillah . it was not that bad i think i learnt something . after that followed bazillah to buy stuff for our class at value . now i am at home typing this ......

thanks for loving me and caring for me my DEAR friends and family i am for ever in your debt and i love you more than you love me anyday okie ( if you understand wat i mean )

day one of anorexia

day one of anorexia

ok i don feel weak but my tummy i think, is starting to hurt a bit but it is all worth it i think . i have decided i shall not eat anything till wednesday and even though i eat i shall throw it all out .... i really need to lose weight and i have to do it fast ..... and i will lose weight at any cost i don borther much if it even would kill me i wanna lose weight and it will come to past .. i have told myself that that after wednesday i will onli eat one meal a day and thats about it

never was i this determine to lose weight yes i have tried but i have also failed. but this time no i wanna lose weight so badly i will kill someone for it ... this is my level of commitment and if i die in the process it would be a honourable death to me.... not that i will die soon. i wont leave this world so soon, there is so much that is still have to do

i have only drunk water and milk and thats about it .... i ran my 2.4 today but i FAILED . but this is not gonna bring me down cos this was my first attempt in tryin to run the 2,4 course and i this i did quite well 16.42 min ...... i will work on that till i pass ... i wanna make mr bong happy he has been so nice to me and his encouragement meant alot to me .... and i so happy that chee woon ran with me today he kept encouraging me that felt great ... and thank you my boi you have been such a great fren ......thanks alot

later i have chem tution and i would be meeting my dear frens hid and rashid ... i have a chem paper tomorrow .....

Dear lord be with me and guide over me

i completed the run ... YEAH

it is a milestone for me to complete my 4.8 cross country run ... yes i knew that i would never win in a cross country or even coming close to comin in the top 100 but it was all worth while. wehn i felt all my mucles were being stretced to its max and it felt as if it was being ripped off i still when on . putting the pain to be a secondary thing i juz kept goin and when i saw the road route it felt all worth it ... this experience thought me that i can do anything i put my heart into and that i can really run ... to others who read this it might not mean anything but to me it was like what i said a great achievement... you are hearing from a person who never i repeat NEVER ran even 2.4 ... i always got out of it but this i did not ... i ran and ran and brisked walked when i could not run and i proudly can say i never did i stop and it was so fullfilling when i reached the finishing line it felt wonderful arrrrrrrrr.... word cant explain what i was feeling it was euphoria in its max.... great and i when to find mr bong and told him that i completed the run he was so glad i am so happy arrr juz love the feeling still cant get over it

and i would like to take the time to thank some people who were there and was so kind and caring first i would like to thank my four "masketeers" clement lim , rui xing , beng woon and tao yong for pacing me when i ran and thanks for giving me moral support when i needed it and caring for me when my stomach hurt so very bad , seeing you all kept me going and yes thanks you from the bottom of my heart.......


and special thanks goes to richmond and kim po for running the last leg of the race ... this really meant a lot for me that you were there running down hill with me and juz thank you boyz for being such great frenz and i really greatful to you both and sorry kim po for scolding you that day and for showing you the middle finger but really i cant remember that i did that ... but wat the heck it felt great completing the race thank you both .... i really cant express my gratitude toward you both enough

after the run i and chee woon when to mama's house for a bath and and that followed him to have dinner he paid so who cares the food was not that nice anyway .after that i and reave walked from mustafah centre to little india arcard to buy henna amd then took a train to clarke quay when to the dance studio above the osyster bar and took some brochers and then walked to city hall mrt but chee woon wanted to go to the esplanade instead so we when there saw the art work there .... after that walked to the area where there were break dancing performances near the city link and watched for a while . then took the mrt home ..............