what the F_ _ K

the day has just been plain cool . love just wad is happening to me ...

doesn't apologies mean anything anymore .. gosh ppl sure peepz get the maning of the word . the point where i thought everything is back to normal . and when i said sorry . i meant it, and why is this happening so really have i don a grave deed ..... i have really nothing__________.

only when i flare people look .. come on ... don you have flare doent everybody why is mine so prominent . and don people put up with you .. and wad is it with people leaving me .... did i ever say any thing against you in the entry i made if i did pls tell me where . it was a letter of apology ... really wad else must i do . i said i was sorry ... accept this apoloy or do wadever you want with it . i hold my peace ...... i am really grateful for wad ever you have done for me ...

and if you want to know where i said hi .. it was in the canteen right after recess even chee woon was there... and again when i was in the bus i waved but you just turned away.....

anyway yesterday was fun did lots of social studies studyin ..... did my notez on sri lanka was there studyin with my daughters yes i adopted them just yesterday

daughter NO 1 : julien A.K.A mao's gf A.K.A jap wannabe
daughter NO 2 : soon eng A.K.A eng soon A.K.A mary

so happy now the proud owner of two new daughters....
ate a fish meal with both of them btw chun ling was also there ( she is like so clever in maths)

woke up in the morning today ... followed my mum and sis to the market . met pinny there we 'marketed' for a while then set down to have lunch . just then received a msg from chee woon .... thanks a lot buddy that really means a lot to me ... it sure made my day .. thanks a million boy...

when to collect pams history and social studies notes and spent the whole afternoon sorting then finally all done . so tired now think i waould be napping before going out later .... think of watching a movie and maybe just going for dinner .... not too sure ... till later

daniel out

fucked......

today started off bad woke up extra early just to find out that it was a late day for school wanted to go back to sleep ... but then decided wth just go to school... when there and decided to do my english newspaper journal that i should have done like a week earlier ....... while doing that met julien and jia hui .... i was still pissed over yesterday's incident but decided to put that behind me and just get through the day . listened to me favourite song far away from home by groove coverage ... my oh my did not know that song can uplift me so much love that song ... thanks for introducing me to techno VIcky.....

lesson today was so weird seemed so short ... wonder why the exams are nearing and where is my spark i need to start to flare up and this has to happen soon ... remember wad mrs goh told me get my priorities straight... for me now is my education and health ........ so let it be i will be alrite if i keep to it .. so time to concentrate and give up fun ....... shall try to stop going out so much .... and start to settle down and start doing serious studyin......

something is very WRONG with chee woon he seems to be acting weird and all ......... wonder wad bug caught him ........ acting cute talking with this weird tone in his throat ..... wonder why .... fought a bit ( not serious ) and slapped each other around .. people think wad u wan cos i don give a dam .... why should i ... anyway . i think i hurt him .... sorry chee woon ... it when like this .. i turned my back ... he slapped me so in a reflex reaction i turned back and swinged my arm ... and peng it wacked him ... my was i afraid thought he would flare up ... but he did not luckily ...... i knew i was in for it ... but the ever lucky me escaped ..

school ended with poa lesson feel so smart tend to know wad is happening in class.... after that when to search for julien in her class but she was not there ... so when to see pearly lee to clarify my physics doubts ......... after that when to the canteen to have lunch with san jie so nice of him to wait while my food was prepared ... so sweet

after lunch when up to the com lab for a while .... three thirty when to assemble at the hall for nafha .. no i did not participate... soon....... next term saw my class boys do the pull up thingy... wow they did so well ... and it came to chee woon and ek siong ... god the competion was tough but both of them did 12 that is like so cool .. i can only hang ... dotzz... wonder how the rest did

dreams
if i could only... but why ...
i want to know why
if i don get my answer i will find it
even if it means......

wanted type bout wad happen in school after recess ..but wadever for ... wanted to say hi just to get shunned away do i deserve this I DON THINK SO

THANKS PAM FOR YESTERDAY WAD A JOKE MASTERDEBATOR

fuck...............

today started off with me being late for the meeting with jenna ... actually she told me that she would be late so i decided to take the bus 179 and go for rounding. finally reached mac and met jenna had breakfast . she ate big breakfast a nd had a harsh brown and milk .... after then when down to town with her chatted lots in the mrt ad then got down at somerset

walked at heeren for a while . when to daytipper but the stuip shop was close. so instead we when to shop ... jenna got loads of stuff ... after walking arounds several rounds we decided to finish wad we were doing and finally settled down to STUDY so we thought .. when to paragon stars buck and set down at the comfy chairs ... but as usual after a bit of studyin we started chatting so the sutdy session consisted of lots of talking and obviously a bit of studyin .... talked lots abt the council . and waited for chee woon and julien to come and as we were speaking they came in . wad a surprise ........ and lunch with jenna at a quaint jap place.......... after we came back from lunch they packed up their study work and all off us when to heeren to shop ... to get my slippers and then


turmoil

we when to day to daytipper the shop that supposedly sell the pair of black slippers that i was yearning for... for actually a long time ........ and yes i was so pissed that i coulkd not get it. like any other normal human would be .... so i started to whine and be grumpy .... yes i was pissed that i could not get i want ... yes and i took it out and dampended everyones mood becos of my moody self ... yes it was all my fault . yes i do not expect you to feel anything and yes i cant hold it against you . but did anyone give a dam of how i would have felt .... i did not get i want and yes i did react . but in wad way did that dampened you mood chee woon and why do you not have the guts to tell that to my face .... and why the hell talk behind my back . if there was anything just tell me straight why beat around it .. and yes i lost my temper . but cant you handle that ...

at time yes i do feel used but when i tell you why do you take it that way . yes i might have said it in a spur . but why hold that against me and if that if not true . dismiss it . why work on it . and never once did i say anything abt ending friendship . why assume . did i act cold toward you in anyway . say and i am willing to change . i said i am sorry . wad else . yes i was a pain . ok . i agree . but when i said it i thought that was all over there and then why do u bring it up again . and why write it in a way that ,i feel left on the shelf and only used when plans go wrong . did i put it that way i am not sure but if i did i am sorry bout that . and i am not gonna get all emotional ... wad wid that...........

and chee woon you ......... i really have no comments if i had dampened your mood tell me then why talk bout it behind my back . it might mean nothing to you . but guess wad boy i feel sumthing you knoe. why not be honest with me . wad did i do to deserve this come on la . am i askin FOR A LOT . just tell me the truth infront of me . pls that is all that i ask for

at time i really feel used . and yes at time i feel that nobody will understand me . but the truth people .nobody can ever understand someone else cos that is impossible. noone on earth can dare say that they knoe themself completely . cos the truth is that u are learning bout yourself everyday. so when i say u don/cant understand me . that does not mean i am _______ i am jus stating a fact. take it the way you want it i have nothing to say

yes i am pissed but wad can i say . at time i feel like a punching bag all i do is take and do not give back . but i think i am going to live with that . there is no point in changing my fate.... is there wad is done is done we cant change today .but sure we/i can plan/mould tomorrow .

so i piss you off i am sorry ..... wad else i can say ........ change .........ok . tell me how.......... i am so pissed .. but wad the hell for ........... wad can i do............ fuck the world i am living in ........... or don give a dam........

soory peeps but wad the fuck can i do
i too have feelings
i do feel hurt
i do not like being the scapegoat
i do not have anyother choice
i really don

pissed fucked up daniel OUT

PISSED AND FUCKED UP AND SCREWED AS EVER DOES ANYONE GIVE A DAM

anyone givingadam .. thought so

part 2 of the b dae celebration

where did i left off the last time wait let me check

( for those how are lost read the previous entry)

i think i stopped at at the ice cream with the cake. hid and mel when to sheng siong to buy ice cream so we could eat it with the cake . the cake tasted great with ice cream all finished their slices. but me too full ... sry guys . by then the pizzas came . and it came all at once . it was a good thing that we when to eat at that pizza hut , it is taman jurong's best kept secret . a small secluded cosy resturant .with a chraming ambience and superior one to one service . it is the best pizza hut i when to . to have a small party the place is just wonderful. we took lots of photos and sure we really stuffed our faces they took turns feeding me thats so cool and yes painfull..... took photo with our waiter ...... guess wad his name was also daniel . it was so cool . we paid the bill then we let

took 98 and when rounding was fun when all the way to jurong island got down near lakeside primary and took 30 to jp while they continued ( mao, jap wannabe, momo) when home. mel hid shid and me when to coffeebean all set down there ordered drink say there and talked bout stuff and studies . tend to always feel stupid around them..............

thanks everbody
(momo, jap wannabe , shiddanmao, MEL )

when to school received gifts . you all are just the best thank you so much and thank you 5/1 for celebrating my birthdae ( ed , dan , wx ) and too all thoses who contributed you have been so nice love you all.....the cake was great to eat . sure there were lots of playin with the cream and water. yeah finally got to wet chee woon completely tupid who ask him to get in to the cubical....
when home had to have a bath smell like cake.... or vomit i do not knoe .....

later at home a small celebration cw and jap wannabe would be coming... after that going to swensen yeahhhh ..... wad a happy day

daniel out

thank you one and all

this i really have to do . i need to thank two groups of people one group is my god family ......

mama thank you for celebrating my birthday at arena . its means a lot to me that you did that for me . i will for ever be grateful thanks ,from the bottom of my heart and also to all those who were there also ...... it was really wonderful and thanks for the gift . i live it truck loads

the other group i have to thank is my dearest frenz they are .....

my dearest hid, shid , momo , mel, jap wannbe , and mao mao

thanks for being there and celebrating my birthday with me thank you it was really fun

met julien at jp mac walked a while b4 going to taman jurong on 154 ... you dearies come up with the cutest plan . all the birthday sms greetings at one go that was really cool .... love it loads ... got down of the bus just to find them all seated waiting for me and rashid was sitting there holding the cake .... waited for reave and walked to the pizza hut there it was really cool cosy place quite small but felt really cosy . felt that we had the whole place to ourself... felt i we actually owned the place and it came with our very own waiter. to my surprise his name was daniel too... this was just to good to be true . ordered the family feast and another set for got the name we had like FOUR pizzas 2 large 2 regular . it felt like a huge feast also had garlic bread and pepsi ... ate so much and i really felt like a stuffed turkey. while waiting for our food to arrive they sang and cut my birthday cake for me it was a nice brownie cake with walnut chunks shiok.... hid and mel when next door to buy cookie and cream ice cream to eat thecake with ... my oh my thinking of all the calories i just had .. must diet so must DIET

can't carry on to typing sis want to sleep so type abt it tomorrow.........

daniel out

wad the fu*K

this i really don understand if i am going to buy a penknife people think that i am going to kill myself . wads with that , there are other uses for a penknife you knoe ....

all you saddo masochist out there wad is happening you are having a recruitment exercise or wad....

so not in the mood to blog

my birthday is on 26th april if anyone gives a dam

latte

i had already gave me daliy dosage of blogging but this i just had to post . i read it on the net and it was so humourous

Latte means milk in Italy. In English, Latte is a coffee-drink.
Many folks like to head to Starbucks or other coffee shops to take early morning latte breaks...


In Germany, Latte is a well known word for an erection.
So, "morning latte" is when you wake up in the morning with an erection!
The word "break" means "destroy", so taking that "morning latte break" is
destroying that erection. I'll leave the details to your imagination, as well as all the puns on how you take your steaming hot drink.


This item is thanks to Jochen Gumpert, a standup guy!
Apparently, Germans are amused at American morning television shows called "Morning Latte" and book's like the popular Amanda Hesser's book "Cooking for Mr. Latte"!


will never look at another latte the same way ever again

good day

i am so happy . suprising lessons in school was a breeze i was able to do all my work and it was great . did not learn much though ..... but really happy that i was not BLUR in any of the lessons.... that i so good news i think i am picking up my momentum in studying and it feels good

tamil lesson was fun as usual did my fair bit of copying . mr mohan was happy that i got him an OHP he was pestering me to get one for him but wad can i say... just got him wad he wanted ... the seat that we are sitting in is very good . good view of the board and everything . don knoe why but i really like the classroom that i am studying in . last period in school was history , mrs chan was trying to let me put this properly make our class more interesting . but seriously what is or can be interesting about a partly blad freek of nature MAO..... goodness lesson is boring and the quiz was not interesting at all . do not try too hard pls jus be yourself and teach that is the best...

after school rushed back to watched the live telecast of american idol . just as i put my ass on my super cool recliner . the stupid phone rang it was mrs ng from school ... she pleaded with me to be a commetator ... that was cool cas she was the same person who told me last year that i am unable to do it since i am an acad student . to all the NA students do not dismay i am here to prove them wrong . we are not stupid we are not lower in class we are equal or not better than the express students ( no offence ) we are just a bit academically challenged thats all .... i will not let u peepz down and i am doing it for all my friends to believed in me ... thank you GOD for giving me this chance. i will do my best and succed okie this will and is my goal ...

note to chee woon and julien ....
i just wanted to give you two some free time alone and most of all i did not want to be a lamp post / gooseberry . so have fun and take care .....


.:-{ D@n!eL }-:. out

the day started like any other typical day . hated to wake up and have bath and the drag my super lazy body to the stupid dreaded boon lay sec sch....

when to meet kiat yin at the vending machine just behind the school . and i really don knoe how to say this to my horror or surprise we were rudely introduce to four trans gender guys ... my gosh if i had not heard their voice i would have not known they were guys.... they were so beautifully dressed and had make up on and they even carried handbags... and there was this guy* who was tryin to adjust his pading under his bra..... what the *&^%........

collected my result got 21 for my poa expected grade . felt quite happy bout it . but my science result was a disapointment... wad can i say.. not the grade i wanted arrrrrr.... nevermind ...

my back is getting worst by the days go by... i wish it is all a bad dream and i just really wanna wake up from this horrible nightmare... i knoe you care my dear but your tears only bring me down further do not cry for me. i have accepted my faith and it is high time you did the same to. i really .... i need you to be strong and most importantly i need you to lift me up when i fall down and dear darling be there and walk with me...

sorry i lied to you . i knoe i cant bring myself to do this anymore but you knoe wad i am trying to do . just do not think abt wad i do. please . it will only upset the both of us... trust i am trying to do all in my power . to stop wad i am doin .... it is true that only a true fren would be angry when his friend hurts himself... i really appreciate wad you are doing for me but just please .... i give you my word i will stop wad i am doin....

i am sorry if i don smile as much as i used to .this is not beacause i am stucked up or anything like that... but trust me nobody knoes the pain i am going through ... and i don expect anyone to find out. at times i just feel like giving up everything i have , but i will never give up cause i knoe that the good lord has plans for me and i am just a piece is his excellent master piece.

came back home after school and had a bath and rested a while infront of my com listnening to groove coverage .... soon chee woon followed by bazilla . we had tuition and it was over at 6 .30 ... when to meet peik shin and soon eng at mac . taught them bits of chemistry..... when for dinner and i am here now typing my blog ... listening to groove coverage . the song far away from home ...

In my dreams I am not so far away from home,
What am I in a world so far away from home
, All my life all the time so far away from home,
Without you I will be so far away from home.

seemed so true in my life...........

thin line

i am walking on a very thin thread now . not knowing when i am going to fall and worst of all if i fall will there be anyone by my side to hold my hand and lift me up again ....... the ones who i need the most rite now are so far away and the ppl who i thought do not give a dam is the people who is there beside me now. this really makes me really think who are my true frens . though i am not by their side and they not near me either . i knoe that these people have me in their heart .. wad a nice warm feeling thank you people ......

let school at recess time and met dear vicky with my mummy at boon lay mrt . he looks so different now . he has changed so much since the last time i saw him .he looks so much better. like usual the first thing when i saw him i took his discman his remix cd rocks big time..... got down at lavender and updated the pic in my passport and also got it renewed . there was no que at all . i was entertained straight away. got my job done and when to the 4th floor of the ica building and got visa application forms for angali

we then took a train to vista and when to nuh for my second MRI ... the jab still hurts ... just hope that the result is of GOD's will. ....... had lunch and came back home .

i was reading this book call " the chinese cinderella" . quite nice and it really makes me think of how lucky i am and that i should treasure the family i am living in and love them to the max of my possiblity. love you mum you have done so much for me and don worry bout me i will be brave for you . do nnot cry for me . your tears will only cause me more pain . it does not take it away ......

techno fever just got me and never did i thought that i would be listening to techno .fell in love with groove coverage. you are the best the bomb!!!!!


đдא¡äŁ out....

did i do sumting

i did not sleep well last night .there is so many things that is on my mind . my health ,my studies , my relationship, my friends, my family and money ..... i am feeling very down and i just cant bring myself into opening up to anyone not because i am tryin to hold it in . i just cant find the right person to share my woes. i have learnt that when my other friends are in need or when they are distressed i will go all out to help the person in whatever way i can but never once did i get the same treatment. why several questions run in my mind and the pain in my back is not helping .

thankfully i remembered a friend that was always there when i needed to talk to someone . my dearest frend shella . i called her only once and i did not have to say much . she came right away to meet me. and she straight away knew that something was amiss . thank you GOD for providing me with her . met her and told her my problems and ppl guess wad i have been dianosed with DISPLACEMENT OF LUMBAR INTERVERTEBRAL DISC WITHOUT MYSLOPATHY .... A CAPITAL OUCH ......

felt very suicidal thinking that my life on earth was not worth if i was only depleting my parents money and costing my mother's tear .when she heard that i need an operation she cried . that was too much for me to bear . the pain was just felt like needles and pins in my heart. coming from a middle class family never helps . the op would cost my family abt 15 k that is not including the hospital stay, medicine or rehab sessions after that. it is so not worth it and the sucess rate the figures are a pain in my rectum AS IN BIG TIME PAIN . 40 % OF THE PPL WHO GO FOR THE OP IT IS UNSUCCESSFUL IN REMOVING THE

PAIN

and not forgetting the risk of paralysis which fears me the most and the words of my orthopaedic surgeon keeps ringing in my head " the situation will not get better it will only get worse " how comforting rite . i am so not going to be adicted to pain killers . it is so bad for me ......

{chee woon and julien wish you both a long and fruitful relationship and have fun to the max ...}

i wont die though . i am a fighter and i knoe it though trials bring me down and my pain weighs me down ,i shall not fall nor will i be forsaken . i will stand through it and even if i fall i will pick myself up . with supposedly good friends around me and my DEAREST FATHER IN HEAVEN WHO TAKES CARE OF THIS WORD .

I WILL BE ALRITE . I WILL FIGHT . I WILL GO FORTH AND BE VICTORIEST.

I HOPE........ THANKS FOR BEING THERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST . YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

the run ....

first of all a very big thank you to both denise and chee woon for going to the gym with me though you there with me for a while chee woon your presence means as lots to me

thank you lots

denise i feel very bad that i dragged you out to run with me . but it felt very good to just run and feel the pores in your skin open . it was so cool . i was so the treadmill for bout 20 min and my max speed was 8 .... this is so cool i could never manage to even stay on for 10 mins last time . but now a full 20 min and also did lots of other stuff . eg the stairclimber 5 min , bicycle 20 min, did bout lets see 5 sit ups .... may not be lots to others but it is a achievement to me thanks for being there....

had lunch and proceeded to jurong point . just could not decide if we should walk back , take a bus or take the train . and in that moment i saw one of my most treasured fren jian ming ... it felt so good to see him after so long .. the last time i saw him was christmas.... decided to take a train at the end ... when to jurong point to walk for a while and also to cancel my mum's phones line ... walked with denise several rounds jp....

while walking to my horror i saw the ugliest thing in the world 2 harajuku wannabes ... it was totally horrible .yuck factor to the max could not stand it ... if you cant replicate don try la .some ppl will do anything .... to follow or keep up with a "fashion trand" no matter how horrible it looks like . ridiculos

denise when to buy mee siam for her family and i took the liberty to burn her with the gravy cause i was carrying the bag. she then took the bag from me and when on burning and toturing me POOR ME... i feel so totured aroung her she also wacked my hands several times .... OUCH

it rained heavy and i got wet ....
off to take my beauty sleep catch you later

HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY JULIEN HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR GIFT

.:-{ D@n!eL }-: out

aiyo why do i not have normal friends

.: { for a person wif a heart of gold..a friend who treats u like tat aint worth ur love n ur tots }:.

i am so tired .... just finished studyin social studies and hopefully i can remember all my points when i am doin my paper . my day started terrible. when to the poly clinic in the morning and it so crowded . the placed with sick people urgh ..... the doctor was nice though i got an MC for a day and excuse from p .e till 21 4 05 . how cool is that .. ok it is not but who cares

when to school lesons where boring as usual terrible . i did not learn anything ... cos nothing was thought .... did my poa test paper ca3 .not bad i think can get at least a 20 upon 30 . school finished at abt 2 . 30 . after that i had my science movitvation workshop it is jus too good to be rue learnt so much and it feels good when i am learning sumthing... that ended at abt 5 ... msh chee woon and the met him there .he was there with julien ...

this is followed by a series of unfortunate events ....... so not in the mood to type or recall it.... learnt sumthing though it HURTS to be kind and helpful. at times you just have to sit back and let it simmer down itself . being around just acts as a catlyst ....

to chee woon
if you are reading i am sorry to have meddled in your affairs . i am really sorry this i will never do again. i will not ask you or bring up this topic ever again .only if you want to talk abt it. ok no matter wad happens remember that you have a friend okie

to julien
gal take care of yourself ... and follow your heart that is the key to the universe and most of all your mind body and soul....

.: { D@n!eL } :.

desire

i am so not in tune with myself at all. i feel that i and my body are two different entities completely . my mind tell me something my bodys just do and opposite . it hurts to be pulled in two different directions at the same time.my body and soul are fighting to take control over me , the winner is not known yet but i don wan either to win . i just want them to work in perfect harmony . but does anyone on earth actually achieve that ?

the week has been going on fine . my english grade is going down the drain for the forst time in 5 years i have failed english and it really hurts . that i failed esp in the sub i thought i was best at ENGLISH . arrrrrrrr juz feel like screaming but it is not only me the whole calss actually fail . and if it sounds better i am one of the better failers. as if that makes it sound any better . relationships in my life is so gone like the summers breeze , fleet away my friendship : fly away my love , drown my desires ........

i am so going to step out off in all no more drowning myself in self pity and sorrow . i am so going to stand up and be victorious .no more am i going to take it standing down. no more am i going to take it lying down. i am going to start doing things that pleases me and not others . i don think that it is worth it pleasing other in your expense. if this continues who will take care of me. then wad will become of me .

no more this is the last straw . daniel wake up boy it is time to get that fat ass moving and rocking. i am going to start a motto " start moving start banging " does not sound that bad right... this week has been crazy . my head hurts . so many classes so much work . .. remedial tuitions . classes . work . project , deadlines , homework , reviews, book , arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i am so screaming . i am so not ready . i have not started studyin tamil for the o levels arrrrrrr. i am so screaming........ daniel it is time to wake up and start serious studyin....

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity'cause
I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm cloming clean


.:-{ D@n!eL }-:. out